Why do we do bad things to ourselves?

    When I was younger, my mom asked for any unused stationary utensils around the house. I found a pack of beautifully assorted colored pencils and gave it to my mom before asking her what it was for. She told me that there was a donation event happening at her work for juvenile delinquents. I was taken aback and asked, "What? Why would they deserve it after committing a crime?" My mom immediately told me that that was an awful thing to say about someone I didn't even know. She informed me that the whole point of this event is to help these young individuals live a normal life regardless of their past. I felt ashamed after that. How did I have the right to judge someone on their actions when I have no mirror into their lives? I didn't even know why they committed the crime much less what the crime even was. I rushed to the conclusion that their crime was bad enough to place them in jail rejecting them from any of my empathy. I realized then that while crimes are an extreme example, we, as well, constantly do things in our lives that hurt us. The reasons behind these behaviors are much more complex than we perceive them to be.

    I stay up at night knowing it's damaging to my mental and physical health, yet, I continue to do it. Sundays through Thursdays I stay up for school, studying for a test I procrastinated on and on Fridays and Saturdays I allow myself the pleasure of staying up to watch a new movie. I'm aware that these are unhealthy habits to continue. I'm here right now into the night rushing to type this up for a good grade. But, I can confidently claim that I stay up for my momentary pleasures and while studying isn't one of them, it is a product of my laziness. I am allowed to say that I hurt myself due to these continual late nights without any good reason. But can I label it so quickly for someone else's life that I have the privilege of not experiencing? The question of WHY we hurt ourselves on purpose varies so much for each person. A surgeon stays up to take care of a surgical procedure, knowing that while she may have to lose a few hours of sleep, she gave years of life back to her patient. A young father stays up all night to keep his daughter smiling through the violent thunder and rain outside their window that brings up memories of her mother's death. An older mother loses sleep to keep up with the time zone difference for her son living across the world. As tired as she is, she never ceases to ask if he ate anything for breakfast and if he got enough sleep. A college professor spends the entire night grading rhetorical essays, not out of desire, but from his sleep insomnia. A little girl waits outside a hospital room in anticipation of meeting her new sister. A middle-aged man is standing outside a 7-11 at three in the morning with a black handgun and a bag of crumpled green bills. A student stays up all night to study because he has to work throughout the day to support his family. In all these instances, sleep is lost. We can label it as a harmful and endangering behavior in our lives but the reasons behind them are vague. Whether we do it on purpose or are forced by our situation, the bad things we do to ourselves arise so differently for each person. Understanding this perspective and implementing it in our lives creates a world beyond all else.